GLENN: I swear to you it’s like the mechanics of washing your face are not the same for men and women. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know how long it takes. Like hours. It’s a cowboy bath, it is. It’s just… she’s like, there must be like a horse trough there in the — she must fill the tub and then I don’t know why you need something to pull your hair back so you can wash your face. It’s a washcloth.
Stu, am I alone in this? Is it Lisa, is she like this as well? Is it just me? Dan?
STU: No, it’s the entire, I mean, the entire home is essentially a catalog from some, I don’t know, cream company, like cleansers or something. I don’t know what they’re doing in there. It’s very frustrating because I don’t know how much — I mean, I don’t know what the appropriate percentage of your salary that’s supposed to go to facial cleansers is, but I know I’m above it.
GLENN: Facial cleansers. Washcloth.
STU: There’s a time that there were bars of soap and people would use them on their face.
GLENN: Have you ever had a bar of soap? Like my wife once in a while, she will have bars of soap that have, like, sand in it. I swear they have sand.
STU: Isn’t that what you are supposed to be taking off your face?
GLENN: I don’t know what it is. It’s like the soap manufacturers are like, they were down at the beach one day and they dropped the bar of soap in the sand and they brought it home anyway and their wife was like, “This is fabulous.” And the guy was like, you know what, we just put little pieces of rock in it and women love it. They think it’s good for them.
STU: I don’t understand that because that is literally, you are trying to use sand to remove dirt.
GLENN: The only thing worse, the only thing worse, the bars of soap with, like, oatmeal. I don’t want oatmeal in my soap. Have you ever seen that?
STU: Oh, yeah.
GLENN: I stayed at a hotel here recently. Adam, what hotel was it that we stayed at? It was like, it was not like an expensive hotel. It was like Holiday Inn Express that I looked at and I’m like, it has oatmeal soap. And I really thought — I had to check the label because I thought, this ain’t oatmeal soap. This is someone who just washed their kid’s face and left all the oatmeal caked into the — that’s what it is. “That’s not — oatmeal soap is very good for your face.”
STU: That’s what they do, when they go to the vet, they tell me that, “Your dog is very scratchy. He’s going to need an oatmeal bath.”
GLENN: Give it to him for free because I ain’t paying for it and I ain’t giving him one. When was it that we — when did we become a society where dogs get oatmeal baths and have CAT scans and… when did we unhinge from — I think it was about the same time when our wives started washing with soap with rocks in it. And not because they had to go out and make the soap in a big barrel out of pig fat and they just happened to drop it on the way in and it had some dirt in it by accident. No, when they intentionally started putting dirt and sand and rocks in soap.