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How Infant Boys Go To The Bathroom

(As told by Taylor Joseph Hoak to his father)

1. Eats food (milk).

2. Lets it digest in his stomach.

3. Pees with abandon, soaking his diaper and sometimes his clothes and the couch.

4. Blows out a few experimental toots.

5. Lets fly into his diaper.

6. Waits for mom or dad to change the diaper.

7. As his diaper comes off, feels the cool, stimulating air circulate on areas of his body that had previously been covered up.

8. Before the new diaper can be applied, launches a stream of pee high into the air.

9. Watches as mom and/or dad (it might be a two-person job by now) change his pee-soaked onesie and sleeper and clean pee off the changing pad, their shirt and his own head.

10. As the cleaning process occurs, squirts out one or two more shots of poopie so mom or dad scrambles frantically to catch it with a diaper or wipe.

11. Waits 30 seconds, then sends out still more poopie.

12. Secretly laughs.

13. Repeats every two hours (or in five minutes).

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