Gulf Shores 2011 Vacation Thoughts

- Grains of sand are very, very tiny. I know that because I found them everywhere. In our clothes, in food, between my teeth, in the car, all over our bodies, in everything we owned. Abraham sure had a lot of descendants, I’ll say that.

 

- Great to see all our extended family. Fun to hang out with 27 people. G.G. would have loved seeing us all there.

 

- What did we all do before canopies? Fried, I guess. Or squeezed under umbrellas. Canopies are the new black.

 

- Sunscreen really works. Of course, you usually don’t realize this until later that night when you see all the places you missed.

 

- To the unknown (ahem) angel of mercy who mowed our lawn, my parents’ lawn and apparently my brothers’ lawn — you get around. Nice work.

 

- To the state trooper who saw us with our flashers on by the side of the Natcher parkway and stopped to see if we were okay: Dude, a dirty diaper isn’t that dangerous — you don’t have to leave quite that fast.

 

- To the good people of Montgomery, Alabama: build a bigger Chick-fil-A.

 

- Also to the good people of Montgomery, Alabama: take down the billboards and maybe your divorce rate will decrease. On one side of I-65 heading south is a billboard advertising DIVORCE, $200. On the other side of the interstate, you can save $1: DIVORCE, $199. Giant letters. And of course, one of the signs is just behind another sign for a gentleman’s club. Meet all your needs in one short stretch.

 

- To the girl slathering Crisco oil on her legs as she sunbathed — save some of that for later. You might need it for brownies.

 

- To the person who invented family photos where we all wear white-and-denim or white-and-khaki, etc: I can’t decide if you’re a genius or a madman.

 

- To the person who invented mobile DVD players: you are most definitely a genius.

 

- To the Blue Angel pilots: my hat is off to you. Insane maneuvers. Wow.

 

- To the people who built The Hangout: turn down the volume.

 

- To my computer: I did not miss you.

 

- Not much better than sitting in a chair on the beach, reading a good book, listening to the waves roll in — and knowing that your kids are down for naps.

 

- To our Creator: thanks for giving us beaches — great place to enjoy your creation.

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